...That about sums it up.

No.
Okay.
For real.

I understand why people are asking when Matt and I intend to get married.
It's been months since we got engaged. I get it.
The people have a right to know.
But since I have this dear soap box, I figured why not use it?
And explain why I answer "I have no idea!" so enthusiastically when you inquire when the big day shall be.

It's a multitude of reasons, really.
And I'll cover them as honestly and efficiently as I can.
But, I feel the real reason we are taking our time is evident throughout this entire rambling monologue.
It's quite simple, really.

Because we can.

It's really easy to forget it's already been three months since this day.

It's easy to close my eyes and be there again, standing on a chair on a porch on the shore of Lake Michigan. Just, taking pictures, one moment.

And being asked for my hand in marriage the next.

It is utterly obvious that I was shocked. We had talked about it, sure. In a far-fetched, someday-when-we-have-our-shit-together kind of way, I'd thought. But here he was.
So very serious.
About me.

I am an emotional handful. I let you in for a moment and shut you out for an hour. I keep things to myself, I wallow.
I agonize with myself.
Despite all of this, I do know I try my hardest to care for my relationships carefully. I strive to be generous, and thoughtful, and present, to my most favorite people.
But the concept of someone wanting to spend the rest of their days?
With this?
And not just someone, but a person who I connect with so easily. And just... love, with every ounce of me?
Well.
Let's just say. That's always kind of shocking.

Plus, he'd just bought me a KitchenAid mixer for my birthday. A giant, orange, foodie dream on my counter at home. That's not a small gift.

And then a ring?
This gorgeous, sparkly, thing?
I was just...speechless.
Completely and utterly speechless.
But I knew how to say what needed to be said.
With a nod of the head; a thousand times, yes.

__________________________________________________________________________

This was when it started.
When we were just friends. And I was on vacation in Los Angeles.
And I thought this fling was the most fun I had ever had.

...And how I wished we could just date.
Like normal people.
But back to Boston I went.
Over and over again. For just over a year.

Our story is long, and perhaps confusing, and best told with gin on your breath. I tried to tell it here, once, when I first started to get back into blogging.

And then the iPad deleted the whole post.
And anything new I wrote never lived up to that original that I had almost finished.
Or, maybe, just nothing compares to the truth.
If you have ten minutes to kill and are seriously intrigued, then you can enjoy a little music video story; but either way. You get the gist: this has been a while in the making. And the odds were stacked high against us.

But we made it work. Matt moved out here in 2009, and now when I travel for work I have trouble sleeping without him next to me. It's hard to remember being apart for so long.

I never want that again.

Luckily, it looks like I won't ever have to.

...But anyway (I mentioned this would be rambling). On to what I wanted to talk about.
Why I don't know when, or where we're getting married.
But yes; I know why.

I appreciate how people set a date and start planning right away. Why not?
It's so exciting.  It's easy to fall in love with ideas and flowers and color palettes.
But also, at the same time, it is so much to consider.
After standing up (and sitting down), and assisting with design for so many weddings in the past couple years, I am painfully aware how many details go into a big day.
And when it's people you love, you want every aspect to be perfect. And lovely.
As a total perfectionist, I can only imagine what this will mean for us.
And that is one reason I am blatantly putting this off.
Pinterest is quite enough for now.

Coupled with the numerous considerations for a wedding is, of course, price tags. The cost to get married is absolutely ridiculous.
It's like we all know how insanely expensive these things are, and we just suck it up. Throw our hands up and fork our wallets over. What choice do we have?

But I get why we do this.
I want a day as much as every other girl out there. I want to be surrounded by friends and family, and bask in their happiness for the two of us.
Of course I want that.

It would just be sweet if it were free.

Aside from the obvious, there are other reasons I'm not registered for the Knot just yet.
My career is important to me.  My company treats me well, and I don't think stressing over seating arrangements or some shit in my downtime would allow for the most productive Allie the next morning. I can only focus on so much. I have decided details that I will inevitably obsess over have no place in this dear little brain at this time.

And then finally, there's logistics. When you're from different parts of the country, with friends strewn about and memories in so many cities; it's really hard to pick where you want to say "I do".

I think about it a lot, of course.
But it's a weighty decision. That I think will lighten over time.
We've kind of played this whole relationship by "what will be, will always be".
I really believe that I will know when it's right to start planning, and we will find the most perfect spot.
And we will dance. Like total idiots.
And I almost cannot wait for that day.

But we will, and it will be worth it.
This much, I know.